a preponderance of choice

Mark's blog (unfinished as it were) has had me thinking... about both his situation and my own. I never did make a conscious decision as to "what I want to be when I grow up." In fact, one of the things that amazes me as I read Mark's blog is the realization that I never had a vision for what my life would be. Sure, there were third grade aspirations to be an astronaut (ironically the same grade I was when the challenger exploded), but otherwise I somehow assumed that my life would mirror my parents: I would be married and have a family. I don't know that I thought much about it at all.

In many ways, I think this is why I didn't deal all that well with my divorce - it was a crack in my image of the world and how I was going to fit in with it.

So I'm finally getting to my title - a preponderance of choice - is it because we have unlimited choice that we find ourselves unsatisfied with the one we end up making? Do we always second-guess because there are so many other possibilities that the grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. We probably have more choice in what we want to do with our lives than any prior generation.

I heard an NPR interview with an author who worked in an African country through the Peace Corp. And I need to read the book, because I remember him saying that they didn't have a native word for "love." It was a luxury that the culture couldn't afford - their relationships were formed out of the need for survival.

Has our preponderance of choice and ultimately our luxuries created for us a world in which contentment becomes the most elusive prize? I'm not good at making those decisions that ultimately truly impact my life. I tend to let things just happen. And this is something I'm working on, but it's not easy - because often the grass is greener only in your perception.